Friday, December 23, 2016

December Fly on the Wall

Welcome to the Fly on the Wall Challenge, where 8 brave bloggers invite you to be a Fly on the Wall, and have a look around their homes and lives. C'mon in y'all!

Well, a lot has happened since I last participated in FOTW. I had my gallbladder removed, and recovery was a literal pain, but I'm about 5 weeks out now, and feeling fine. The only issue I have is finding foods I can eat, since my digestive system is so disrupted, but I stay pretty close to home anyway. I'm very fortunate to have such an awesome family that took care of me and Scarlett while I was recovering. Since I spent the first couple weeks mostly in bed, I missed some of the best moments probably, but I managed to grab a few!

Had to explain to Scarlett it's easier to put her shoes on if she doesn't ball her foot up, complete with demonstration. I pulled her foot out and straightened it, telling her "This, this is how you slide your foot into a shoe!" She looked at me like I'd lost my mind.

The weather is barely getting colder down here, and as long as the doors are closed, my house stays pretty warm most nights, or we just don't notice because we're under the covers.
-Ben: "Ceraya, it's going to be 48 tonight, we can't run the air conditioner.
-Me: "Well, okay, but we can't run the heat either."
I'm very hot natured, they sweat me out of here when they run the heat!

We were washing grease off of my grandparents carport after Thanksgiving. Joel finds a four hook fishing lure on the ground and picks it up and shows it to my grandpa.
-Pa: "How'd that come from?"
-Joel: "I don't know how it come from."

We're all sitting around the table and someone says a cuss word.
-Me: "Stop cussing."
-Joel: "You stop cussing, this ain't no democracy."
-Me: "No, its a dictatorship, and I'm the dictator."
If momma ain't happy, no one is happy, right?

Scarlett growled at me for taking something from her.
-Momma: "She growled at you."
-Me: " I know, she's so mean."
-Momma: "She gets it from her momma."
-Me: "I'm not mean, I'm nice."
-Momma: "Who told you that?" 
-Me: "Yo momma."
*At this point, I do a fist pump and yell "YES! THE FIRST TIME I'VE EVER GOTTEN AWAY WITH A YO MOMMA JOKE ON YOU." Meanwhile, my grandma is standing behind me in hysterics. 

Most of the rest of our past month has been spent in a crazed dash to get ready for Christmas. We're hosting Christmas breakfast with our family early Christmas morning. It was a tradition I remember fondly from my childhood. We didn't open our gifts at home until all the family got there to watch. Then we all met up for lunch at my grandparents house later. Same scenario this year, but breakfast is at our house for the first time ever!

Yesterday (Thursday, the 22nd), I woke up and thought it was Friday and my FOTW post was due. The problem was I only had 7 minutes until the deadline, and all of my tidbits were still in analog in my journal. I freaked out and started typing furiously at the keys getting started, getting my email pulled up to get the other blog links, and I see in the email it's due the 23rd, and today is the 22nd. Whew bullet dodged. That's what I get for being procrastination nation, although it's contributed to my ENFP personality.

I've also set a lot of resolutions this year. Probably ridiculous to hope to change so many things next year, but positivity is power!
In 2017,
»I'm reading all those books on my shelf that have been waiting
»I'm loving a little stronger
»I'm finding the beauty in the everything and everyone
»I'm finding myself
»I'll learn to love myself
»I'll reduce my waste
»I'll travel more
»I'll make a new lifelong friend
»I'm teaching my daughter to be kind
»I'm smiling even when it hurts
»I'm giving it my best
»I'm embracing my inner child

I saw an old friend at the hospital the other day when I stopped by to visit Ma, and he invited me to a church he pastors. I was super excited all week, and it felt like it was going to be the right fit. And it was. I'm itching to be back in the doors and serving God anyway I can. I'm so glad he led me home right at the perfect time. 

I'm already sick of cleaning up after this Christmas tree. Everything is coming down December 26th. Maybe Christmas evening. 

We had another old friend from Ben's days in the Marine Corps come all the way out to visit another friend and he stopped by to see us. Ben really enjoyed spending time with his old best friend. 

I also received a surprise gift from another old friend. Apparently December is the month of old friends! I worked at Longhorn several years ago, and a girl who worked with me's husband blows glass now. He sent me the most beautiful ornaments he made! They are absolutely stunning. I was smiling all day from such a thoughtful gesture. 

We celebrated my birthday earlier this month. Let's just say 26 was not all that exciting and leave it at that?

I amped Scarlett up for two weeks trying to get her ready to go see Santa. She was so excited, we walked in the door, and she wouldn't have anything to do with him. I loved him though!

Scarlett also had her first cup of hot cocoa the other day and she loved it!! And she's drinking out of a mug with last year's Santa picture. How cute is that?

Buzz around, see what you think, then click on these links for a peek into some other homes:

Baking In A Tornado         
Menopausal Mother             
Spatulas on Parade                                 
Searching for Sanity                                 
Never Ever Give Up Hope                           
Dinosaur Superhero Mommy                    
Southern Belle Charm         
A Little Piece of Peace          

Friday, December 9, 2016

December Secret Subject Swap

Welcome to a Secret Subject Swap. This week 13 brave bloggers picked a secret subject for someone else and were assigned a secret subject to interpret in their own style. Today we are all simultaneously divulging our topics and submitting our posts. 

My December prompt is "Write a poem about what Christmas means to you, submitted by The Diary of an Alzheimer's Caregiver. I must admit I groaned inside when I received my prompt email. I used to write poetry all the time, but now even when I get a creative idea, I never get more than a few lines in before I give up. The scariest thing though,was I've never written a poem from a prompt. I generally get a spark of an idea and just roll with it. So thank you Rena, for pushing me out of my comfort zone. I'd also like to apologize to whomever got my prompt, I forgot it was December and that I probably should have went with a Christmas prompt! Anyway, here goes.

What Christmas Means to Me

It's that time of year again
my favorite time of all.
It comes just before the new year
and just at the end of fall.

I hung the decorations 
right after Thanksgiving
Now the house looks like the North Pole
without any snow.

I've made my list,
I've checked it twice.
Now it's time to shop, 
no matter the price!

The dash is on,
to get it all done,
but make absolutely sure
we don't forget the fun!

We'll make plans to see the lights
and Santa too
I might even stop by
to enjoy a hot chocolate with you!

The cards arriving in the mail
make me so giddy.
I love seeing you all in your Christmas gear
decked out so festive and pretty.

The big day is coming soon
the gifts are all wrapped.
The house is filled with sounds,
of family and joyful Christmas tunes.

Tonight we'll light a fire
and make cookies too
Put on our Christmas jammies
as the wait for Santa gets down to the wire.

Come close my dear child.
I have a story to tell,
Of  a baby born in a distant land,
with no place to call his home.

His parents found a manger warm
to shelter their gift from God
As the animals nestled close
wise men brought gold and myrrh.

Close your eyes dear child
the time is near
the birth of a King
the most special time of year.

Hope that wasn't too painful for y'all!

Head on over and see what my friends have for you today!

Baking in a Tornado                         
The Bergham Chronicles                                         

Friday, November 18, 2016

Who exactly was America great for?

I've been very open about my feelings for the Donald. How America can get behind the man who was once labeled as one half of "America's gaudiest couple," is beyond me. How America can get behind a man who has changed his position on several issues several times over is beyond me. I mourned my country the day after he was elected, I'm still mourning my country. He says he can make America Great again and a  lot of people have addressed the issue of when America was great, but I haven't seen anyone address who it was great for? Throughout my research, there's always someone being discriminated against.

So I'd like to know Mr. Trump, for who exactly was America great?  I read an article on CNN,  where you told us when, but you said the late 40's and 50's were when America was "great." Who was it great for? The African Americans who didn't earn the right to vote in the country their ancestors built until 1965? The same African American men who fought for our country and couldn't even vote for their leader, was it great for them?  The African American children who couldn't attend schools with white children, was it great for them? 

What about Japanese Americans who were forced to live in concentration camps? Was it great for them? I fail to see what would be so great about being ripped from your home and forced to live in "relocation camps," because your neighbors are scared of you. 

What about Ms. Rosa Parks? Was it great for her to have to sit in the back of the bus because some white person decided that was her place? She was tired, her feet hurt, and she went to jail for standing up for herself? What's so great about spending a night in jail for not letting some white man tell himself he's more important than you?

The Fair Housing Act was signed into effect in 1968. Was it great for the millions of black Americans who were forced into ghettos and unsafe neighborhoods because the elitist whites didn't want them in their neighborhoods? 

What about the women who couldn't get birth control before 1960? Was it great for them to have men who didn't even understand how menstrual cycles worked make their reproductive decisions? What about women who couldn't get an Ivy league education until the 60s and 70s? Was it great for them too. Mr. Trump? What about the millions of women who still to this day do not experience equality in the work place, despite the ERA? Was it great for them? What about not being able to get credit cards in our names until the 70's? What's so damn great about that? 

What about the Chinese exclusion act that denied Chinese immigrants until it was repealed in 1942? What was so great about being denied immigration to try and make a better life for your family, just because of your ethnicity? 

What about the 5 million Mexican workers who were brought here purposely by our government to replace the farm workers fighting in WWII? What's so great about working for less wages than a white man, so that white men can still eat? What about "Operation Wetback" from 1953-1958, where Latin Americans were unfairly deported, many of them citizens? What's so great about being forced out of your country? 

What about Muslims in the armed services who were not able to list themselves as Muslims until 1952, in a country founded on religious freedoms? Was it great for them? What's so great about not having your religion recognized as a "legitimate religion?" 

What about all those years when anything other than heterosexuality was considered a perversion and mental illness (and still is by some, including your VP)? Was it great for those LGBT people who faced (and some still do) conversion therapy, including electroshock therapy? Did you know they were considered a security risk to the nation? What about in 1952 when the American Psychiatric Association classified homosexuality as a "sociopathic personality disturbance?" What about in 1953 when Eisenhower signed an act barring homosexuals for working for the federal government or any of its private contractors? What about when homosexuality was a punishable offense? What about them, was it great for them too?

What about all the poor people? The homeless people? All the voiceless people you claim you're speaking for. What about them? Because the only people I see you speaking for are the ones tripping over their privilege on the way to the polling place. 

There have been verified accounts of minority harassment already less than a week after the election. Children are being harassed at school, and when asked why, they say "If Trump can do it, so can I."If you don't stand in opposition of these things Mr. Trump, you might as well stand for them. I hear your followers telling me you're a good man, that you want to make this country great for everyone, so when are you going to stand against these people who are inciting violence in  your name? When are you going to use the voice you promised for change? You have an awesome responsibility now, Mr. Trump. It's not Twitter and campaigning against crooked Hillary now, it's the lives, personal freedoms, and security of millions of Americans, including minorities. It's time you speak up, and say enough is enough. That there is to be no more violence in your name. If you don't, you're giving them permission to continue. This is the only change you can make before your inauguration, start it off right. Show us now that this isn't what your term is going to be like. Free speech isn't free anymore when somebody else has to pay the price.

Don't get me wrong, other than the occasional sexist remark, groping, catcalling, chauvinism, sexual assault, and the continued fight for equality, my life in America has been pretty great. But I'm also white. I've heard a lot lately about "Trump's America," and I've experienced it myself, being called a "little bitch" by a male friend just because I called him childish for posting #trump on everything I posted. That's not the America I want to live in.That's not the America we deserve, any of us, even you Mr. Trump.

*Disclaimer: this is an opinion piece, supported by facts found on government websites. I will moderating any comments posted and will not allow abusive or harmful language to myself or anyone else.

Friday, October 21, 2016

October Fly on The Wall.... 

Welcome to a Fly on the Wall group post. Today 7 bloggers are inviting you to catch a glimpse of what you’d see if you were a fly on the wall in our homes. Come on in and buzz around my house.

First of all, it's been a heck of a week. I'm rewriting this post because the first I scheduled somehow didn't post AND GOT DELETED! Sometimes if it weren't for bad luck, I wouldn't have any luck at all. I'm super proud of myself though because I've remained uncharacteristically positive. Anyone who knows me knows I'm usually positive, but I have my moments, and this time I was a positive rockstar, go me! Law of attraction working in my favor hopefully! So anyway, here's a small glimpse into the past month or so. Since my post got deleted, I'm working off memory and the things I can reference off my Facebook posts and my bullet journal! We're kind of boring, but sometimes we say kind of funny stuff.

-Scarlett normally eats her gummy vitamin with no problem, but she was refusing to take it. Ben was trying to fake her out, pretending to eat one so she would want one too. It doesn't work, I tried it already. So he eats one. 
Me: " I know who's kid ain't dumb!"
B: " You know the sour patch kid commercials? First they're sweet, then they're sour, then they're gone? That sh*t was the opposite, now wonder she won't eat it!"
Scarlett: *Giggles evilly.

-Scarlett swallowed a game piece while I was unpacking some books. She was right beside me, not even 5 foot away, and I heard her walk up and I looked at her and she was drooling and purple. I had a split second of freaking out before I remembered what to do, done the heimlich, and got it out. Easily one of the scariest moments of my life and she was born at 25 weeks!

-We just moved into a new house, I actually have a dining room, so my grandma got me a china cabinet. My china has been packed up at her house since I got married, because I had no where to put it. So I put the china in the cabinet, Ben gets home from work. 
H: "Ceraya, where did all these plates come from?"
M: "That's my china ma had put up..."
H: Oh so those are the plates we'll never get to use?"

-Scarlett's feet grow so fast. We buy new shoes every couple of months. We went to target and got her a new pair of tennis shoes, she wore them one time and they disappeared. I searched for those shoes high and low (literally, in the attic, and in the air conditioner vents), and couldn't find them. I thought she must have thrown them away, I was so mad and being stubborn, my grandma went and bought her another pair. I figured out later that they were in a backpack I had packed when hurricane Hermine come through. 

-My mom, grandma, Scarlett and I were on the way to Sam's to get food for my moms wedding. I see this article on facebook about Canada's Trail network opening in 2017. Its the longest in the world (Check it out)
Me: "Oh look, Canada has a huge trail network! Let's go!"
Mom: "Cool, I'm not going to Canada."
Me:  "Why?"
Mom: "I ain't got no money!" (Ever the realist)
Me: "There's some change in the door." (Ever the idealist)
Mom: "Where's that gonna get us, the next street over?"

-Cooked homemade french fries, and they're still super hot. Ben is fixing his plate grabbing them one by one, muttering "shit" under his breath as each one burns his fingers. SMH.

-Bless my grandma's heart. Scarlett is going through some kind of separation anxiety at night. She will not sleep without someone. Which translates to I sleep on the edge of the bed with her feet in my back. So Ma takes her for a long weekend. It was the most glorious thing. My house was clean, Ben and I spent time together, and the sleep. I wish I knew how precious sleep was before I became a mom! I missed her so much though and wanted to go back and get her every single day and Ben had to talk em out of it. 

- Scarlett has an obsession with sitting on the kitchen counters. Ben walks off and leaves her sitting there and tells me "Don't let her fall, I don't think we can fix that Humpty Dumpty."

-We take frequent walks with Scarlett in the evenings. We're walking and see this older lady walking her very large pug. She stops us to talk so we oblige (its the south, she knows my momma). She asks if we're watching the debate, I tell her "No ma'am, I saw the same thing once on National Geographic and I'm not up for watching reruns of monkeys slinging poo." This mouth of mine -_-

-I had a friend pass away this week. I hadn't seen her in a while, she was a friend from when we lived in Jacksonville. She was less than a week away from getting married to the man of her dreams, and they were hit on the way to prepare for the wedding by a drunk driver. Please people, don't drink and drive. I can only imagine how her family feels, because just telling you this has brought me to tears. Its not worth it, call a cab, call a friend. Someone, somewhere cares enough to get you home, because its not just you who needs to get home. 

Now for some pictures :)

Our Halloween decor minus the jack o'lanterns that rotted in a week. 

Our newest family addition, Moo-Moo. Ben found him in the highway as he was walking back from the store. He dropped him on the safe side of the road and went walking home. He told him if he could make it across the field to the house he could stay. He said the cat swam through the grass like Michael Phelps to the front door. So now we have this annoying guy running around. 

This is what I do when I get five minutes of alone time before my kid wakes up. 

"A child is a dimpled lunatic" -Ralph Waldo Emerson

Now go buzz around some of my friends and see what they have to offer!

Baking In A Tornado         
Menopausal Mother             
Spatulas on Parade                                 
Searching for Sanity                                 
Never Ever Give Up Hope                           
Dinosaur Superhero Mommy    
A Little Piece of Peace                    

Friday, October 7, 2016

Secret Subject Swap

How exciting! My very first secret subject swap! A secret subject swap is done by a group of brave bloggers, who all submit a secret subject or prompt. The prompt is then assigned to another blogger in the group, and we all reveal our prompt at the same time! My prompt was assigned by Jules of Bergham Chronicles I had a lot of fun with this one, and it was very reflective for me! Make sure you check out the other bloggers!

Letter to my 13 year old self...


Girl. I remember you, glasses, buck teeth, awful hair cut. Good news is, you look pretty much the same, like exactly the same, just a tad older, and your hair cut is a little better, we wore braces for what seems like forever, you have contacts that you wear most of the time, you'll actually start wearing those soon. If you haven't figured it out by now, I'm you from the future. The grown up that you probably sit in your room and wish you were. I know things are rough, but they get better, I promise. Life isn't going to be exactly how you imagine it. Things get worse before they get better, but you're the strongest person I know. I've seen you make it through things, other people would just buckle under. What you're going through now, you've got this.

I wish there were so many things I could tell you, so many things you will come to understand, but I feel like our experiences are what made us who we are, and gave us the tools we needed. I wish I could tell you that your life turns out perfect, but there's no such thing as perfect. I can tell you that your dad is your dad, you come to love him for exactly who he is, you're a bit more guarded now. Just know you're not the little girl you are right now, the one who feels like she doesn't get a say, and doesn't have a voice. Alcohol is a vice, and you'll dance your dance with that devil, and it will help you understand him better. 

Stress is a killer. Your mom is doing everything she can to provide and make a better life for you. Cut her some slack, she gets better. Way better. She turns out to be the mom you always wanted when you get older. She had somethings in her life making her unhappy, once she met her true self, she sort of just became who you needed her to be. So stop being a whiny little smart ass, being an adult is hard, and you won't understand it for quite some time. 

Worry more about school and less about boys and friends. Yeah right, like you're really going to take that advice. You should though. All of those people you think you care so much about right now, you speak to them occasionally. Those aren't the people in your life anymore. They haven't been for a while. Everyone walks their own path, some people come, and some people go, everyone is where they're supposed to be, exactly when they're supposed to be. 

Joel is your best friend. He always will be. Sure right now he's probably annoying, saying something stupid, but you two share a bond, that will get you through anything. He becomes your fierce protector as much as you are his. Your fights are worse though, but when they're over they are HILARIOUS! We'll probably end up in a nursing home together, playing bumper cars with our wheel chairs, or fencing with our canes. 

Ma and Pa stick around to hang out for a long time. Thank God, I guess he knows you still need them. They're still here. They're spoiling their great-grand daughter worse than they did you. More about her later. Spend as much time as you can with them. Your family will change a lot over the years, and things won't be the same. 

High school is honestly pretty basic and average. You get through it pretty unscathed. You're average looking, slightly above average grades, its just all pretty average. You do the whole social life thing, and you'll meet your best friends that will stick. One of them shows you how to let loose, be happy in the moment, The other is a constant, a person you can depend on for whatever it is you need. They're still your best friends now.

You fall in love before you make it out of there. It's young, it's foolish, but it teaches you a lesson. He's not going to be a good man for you, he will be for someone else someday, but not for you. I wish I could make you understand sooner that it isn't your job to fix people. Eventually they will show their true colors, and you must understand everyone isn't like you, they don't wear their hearts on their sleeves and give everything they have to everyone they meet. But you do beautiful girl. He made you fragile, when he decided to throw you down, but he didn't break you. And when you rose from that fire, like a phoenix from the ashes, you were stronger, wiser, and unbreakable. You learned that every choice you make isn't a good one. You learned sometimes love is blinding, and you should listen to those who you when they say someone is no good. But most of all you learned that lesson that every woman learns at some point, that eventually, you're going to tell your truth, and they're still going to side with the man. It will send you down a path of holding your truth in, because there's always someone else to be worried about, learn to worry about YOU.

The next few years are pretty fun. I really wish we had enjoyed and savored them more. We were young, sexy, wild, and free. You played men like a fiddle, drank like a fish, never slept, never ate. You developed a taste for a nasty little pill that allowed you to do all those things, burn on fumes. You spent a long time wondering how to get out, how to make yourself stop, when you couldn't function any other way. I wish just partying had been enough, and you hadn't decided to take up the other habit. But just like with that first boyfriend, lessons are learned in all our mistakes, and when you cut the habit, you don't pick that one up again.

Enter: your white knight. People are going to judge the shit out of you for your next move. Let them, they don't know you. They don't know that you'll do everything short of dying to prove them wrong. And you did. They said you and your knight wouldn't last 6 months, you'll celebrate 5 years this coming year. I remember being you and wondering what he was going to be like, rest assured, its NOTHING like you planned. He's annoying, clingy, messy, he fusses at you when you spend all his money, he breathes really loud and you guys don't seem to have much in common to observers. But when I say he loves you, I mean it. He loves you. I'm convinced there isn't a thing you can do to make him leave you, and we've done plenty of trying. He adores you, in a way no man ever has. He gives you everything you want, and then convinces himself it isn't enough. He'll prove himself time and time again, try to cut him some slack, he really does care as much as he says he does.

You always said you never wanted kids, but deep down you longed for a baby, because you just wanted someone to love you unconditionally. Well, be careful what you wish for. You have a daughter who has no choice but to love you, because she's your miniature clone, and that isn't as fun as it sounds, cause we're all assholes here. She even follows you to the bathroom, enjoy those peaceful pees while you can homegirl. Her entrance into this world was not at all a smooth one, she has her own way of doing things.

We're still trying to figure out what to do with our lives. There's so much possibility laid out before us. I still see you in there. That little girl, on the brink of being a woman. You come out sometimes when I'm lashing out, when I'm backed into a corner and think I've lost control again. You come out, with your sarcastic attitude, flippancy, disregard to whether they stay or go. But you also come out when I hear a Backstreet Boys song, or Britney Jam. When I'm sliding through the dining room singing into the spatula telling the world "I want it that way." I should learn to listen to you more. Your world may have been out of your control, but you knew exactly what you wanted and how you were going to get it.

I think mostly I'm just trying to be for my daughter, what you needed growing up. I'm not sure exactly what that is, but I judge it by her reaction, I don't ever want to see you in her. She's teaching me more about you. I feel like you and I are two different people, instead of one in the same. I can close my eyes, and see you sitting in your room reading this letter. I can picture the tears rolling down your face as you wonder why you can't just be me now, why you have to go through all the bad stuff to get to the good stuff. I don't have an answer for that. I think maybe we have to have just enough sadness to create beauty, to learn to appreciate the good things that come our way. And good things are coming our way.

With love,


Here are links to all the sites now featuring Secret Subject Swap posts.  Sit back, grab a cup, and check them all out. See you there:

Baking In A Tornado                                   
Not That Sarah Michelle   
The Bergham Chronicles                                           
Spatulas on Parade       
The Diary of an Alzheimer’s Caregiver
 The Lieber Family Blog       
 Dinosaur Superhero Mommy   
Southern Belle Charm            
Confessions of a part time working mom     
Never Ever Give Up Hope              
A Little Piece of Peace   

Tuesday, September 13, 2016

My life be like...

Hey y'all! 

After a couple years out of the blogging game, I've decided to come back and share my thoughts. I've spent the last couple of years with Scarlett, who's story you can read in my other blog, Permanent Transitions, which is her story while she was in the NICU.

This first post will be dedicated to introducing you to me, and who I am, but don't expect anything less than vague, because I'm still trying to figure that out myself. Oh, and I'm not that interesting, but sometimes I'm witty, and sometimes I'm wise, mostly I'm neither. 

My name is Ceraya or Danielle, depending on how long you've known me. I'm currently sitting at 25 years old, but that will change in December. I'm married to a wonderful, infuriating man by the name of Ben. We will celebrate our fifth year of marriage in May 2017. Scarlett is our only child, other than our Heinz-57 dog, Beau. 

I was born and raised in South Georgia, never lived anywhere else, with the exception of 2 years in North Carolina, while Ben was at Camp Lejeune.  My ultimate goal is to try to live everywhere one day. 

My childhood was pretty typical for a millennial, I think. My parents divorced before I can remember, and I spent every other weekend at my Dad's, until his alcoholism became too much for me and I made the decision not to go anymore. My mom worked a lot and eventually went back to school, and my brother and I were pretty much left to our own devices. 

My brother. Joel. Lifelong best friend and worst enemy.  We're adults now and we still fight like we're two asshole kids in the backseat. I couldn't love the kid more, though. 

Speaking of Joel, we have different dads. My mom was married to his for 16 years and I consider him my dad too. His name is Jamey. He was ok in the dad department. He didn't do a lot of dad things with us, but he worked his ass off and handed my mom his paycheck every week to make sure we all had what we need. 

My grandparents were part of the reason I can still call my childhood a childhood. They had awesome woods and fishing ponds, and a swimming pool, and always had us over to just let us be wild. They spoiled the shit out of me too, its part of my attitude problem.

Shit, that's such a hallmark version of my childhood. Whatever I'll talk about it more in depth and how awful it really was, one day...maybe.

My teenage years were pretty typical, I think. I worked from the time I was 14 or 15, so I could afford to buy my clothes and cell minutes (think pink razr). I spent a lot of time holed up in my room reading and listening to music. I was a very good student, and was involved in lots of extra curricular activities, but I wouldn't say I was "popular." High school was simple for me, most of my drama came from boyfriends. 

My senior year was a little different. I met a boy, who turned out to be one of the worst things to happen to me. I think I lost myself in him. Coming from the deep south, even in the 21st century, you didn't date outside of your race. So of course, once my family found out, I had to make a decision. I chose him. I moved out with him, and in with a friend's mom temporarily. 2 weeks later, we had to move to another town because my mom tried to fight us in a fast food joint parking lot. So we did that little shindig for a little over a year, with me supporting him by working 2 jobs, and taking food stamps out on us. Then he hit me. And then he apologized. And then he hit me again. So then I left while he was passed out drunk at a friends. And now he likes to tell people that I was the abusive one, not that I mind, people like him always try to find a way to flip the blame.

The end of that relationship turned me into a party girl. It was too much booze, too many drugs, and too many boys. I bounced from house to house because I would eventually not be able to pay my rent working in various restaurant jobs and serving positions. For a long time, I would look back on that period as doing a lot of things I wasn't proud of, but now in my adult mind, I know not all of it was my fault, and I was taken advantage of a lot when I was out of my proper state of mind. 

And then the white knight came along. I was actually at a little more secure, mature place at that time. I had a nice home and was actually paying my bills. I had a decent job, some alright friends, and I had a "relationship" which was really just an asshole that I spent 9 months of my life with, getting drunk, having sex, him cheating while I was at work and then me right back with him the next day. Everyone thought we were the perfect match, and every once in a while I still hear how people wish we were still together. We were literally the life of the party.

Enter the white knight. I had been talking to him about a week, hiding it from the boyfriend, pretty much getting my revenge. He was from the same place, but was in the Marines, and stationed 10 hours away, so I figured I was golden. And I was, until he came to visit and I broke it off with the boyfriend. We spent ALL of the next 7 days together. Thursday to Thursday. On Sunday, he asked my mom for my hand in marriage, and she gave him her rings from my dad. On Tuesday he asked me to marry him, and I don't know why I said yes to a man I didn't know, but I did.

We were married 2 weeks later. I moved with him to NC and we settled into life together.  The first year was rough. We fought like cats and dogs, which is what happens when you marry someone you don't know. I wanted to leave so many times. But he forced me to stick it out, and eventually I fell in love with him. About 2 years in, we welcomed Scarlett, and its been the three amigos ever since. 

Recently I went through a spiritual awakening of sorts. I discovered things about myself that were strange, but made absolutely perfect sense. I will be sharing some of those things later in the blog. 

Right now, I'm back to trying to figure out what I want to do with my life. I'm in constant pursuit of knowledge, and this blog will probably share some of that with you. I have no general direction or plans for this blog, but instead I will choose to write it how I live and how I see the world, simple, chaotic, and beautiful. This is our story.

Feel free to drop an introduction or ask any questions! I look forward to getting to know you!

This is in no way an entire story, nor does it have much depth. The statements made about the individuals listed are factual, biased, and not my entire opinion, nor intended to be good, nor bad. In fact, I was very soft on some people.